I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
