pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
