i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
