Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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