There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
