dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
