Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
