I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
