one might say we're banned from that church
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
