She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
