This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
