i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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