i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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