If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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