Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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