me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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