I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
