HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
