awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
