nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
