just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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