i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
