I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
