Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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