Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
