I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
