Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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