I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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