Im at strip club and am horny
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
