TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
