Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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