So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
