So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
