Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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