If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I could fuck to npr.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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