how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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