So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Randomize
