hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
