I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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