got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
