he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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