it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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