remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
