So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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