is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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