You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
