i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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