Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
