I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We are all done wearing pants today
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
