What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
