i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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